Ash It

Stuck like the burning ash, waiting to be tapped but still hanging on for the cigarette to be jerked and to land on de floor. Like few secs before edging or should it be urging to commit suicide. Dying lying falling from de cliff onto the carpet which is cleaned in a blink by an abusive cancerian smoke head. Breezed away with its own smoke to be noticed by the dust present in its place...or I present in the way of dust. Not sure for how long would I.....or should I feel discomfort, for not long has it been till I become dust myself.... Betrayed or to betray is not what needs to be blamed but people shall take its blame.


Don't remember the day but remember the time while I switched on my office computer to notice her email lie, why is I ask to curse maself well again and again. Could I be different? Or should I? but I did be....and no sooner was I de dust myself.... And what I learned to teach maself not to hurt me but how to hurt others...SAME GOD DAMN SHIT AGAIN!!! Only diff being it is I who is not the smoke shunning away the ash into dust for it to hide above the carpet with the others underneath it....

Shall I call it revenge.....cant cause I don't have its cause but just a result in front of me.... A mind set to be dishonest or disfigured with not much of a distance between both... would want to do good but with a thought haunting me for life doing nothing but ashing me day by day....


How can I bring this forward how can I put an end how can I ask for a quit smoker not pulling me under the edge, pleading me to pledge, staring for horror to smoke another cigarette..... I CANT CHANGE.... Can it be this lights the cause or is it that stubs be bud....i don't know..... how can I was young wonderable dumb stupid but how different do I feel now???? Just aged to over time loosing enuff time over thoughts....

Not sure wht I hide from or wht I hide? Its been for long since I have cried..... same day being the last before I have shed another tear in my life ever again.... Now for sure I should have but still cant feel my eyes to have the sympathy which others also dint have....minding me to control my emotions for de inner me..... wht should I do where should I go where should I be where should I look where should I where should I where should I??????

Was it her yes has always been to go and come like rains of seasons like light of night like bats of darkness like thoughts of a song like a tear of..............me........

Would she stay no she wont as I never did try never did want never did know never did choose never did nothing to keep her alive for me to know her never did I ASK!!!!
Why should I do such a thing why should I not ask??? Why should I let her choose if I had no choice of my own why should I not???????





                                                GUESS IT DAT TIME


Yeah the time has come de time when no one or no god existence is needed or wanted.... When fears overwhelm de thoughts of regret over obligations de time when each sec counts its needle for a tick...de time which was never meant to tick never invited never thought and never forgot......nor can I control nor can it change, nor it can be deleted of my mind to find a new and better whtever...... fucking all dat for nothing is de only thought arising on and off in my mind to see all for what and nothing is dat only thing prevails...god bless everyone except de one soul which matters to me...MINE...lol oh dint know god anything to do with that...can I cry no I cant can I die did try it once....death over this??? No worth dying nor worth living with.... How do I pass this AGAIN... a journey so familiar so clear now dat my future seems like ma past but just seems like present too far...

End de fucking story


Cause I don't want to I feel fucking safe in de loss of her dan loosing someone else would want her to know dat too...but she still wouldn't care....why do I....maybe I don't too cause care for someone de one needs to be der....